how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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