It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
The ass gains better be worth it
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