I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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