roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
