New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
