Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
