so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
