so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
