I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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