If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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