i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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