is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
