Pappa wants mamma naked
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
