Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
