I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
