I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
