What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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