Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
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