Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
