Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
