I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
