Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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