it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
