We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
