Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
why do cheetos always look like penises
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
