Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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