what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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