The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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