a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
