I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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