Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
