I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
