Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
