FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
