Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
