i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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