I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
