I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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