sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
