I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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