I want you more than these girls want KFC
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
