she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
