Jerry, you need to find god
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
