There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
