My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Randomize
