Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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