I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
