She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
