i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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