Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
